Opinion Writing: Personal Column

 

    Eating Disorders are brutal and creep up on you silently, on the outside you appear to be just fine. Smiling, happy at least thats how it was for me. My experience with an Eating Disorder was not the typical one. 

    To this day I can still remember most of it, it all started back in freshman year of High School  I was weighing in around 140 pounds and wanting shave off a few pounds, at first it started with fun workouts with friends and small diets just to "lost a few pounds" as time went on these became more of an obsession... 

    Working out for 5 hours everyday, and starting to only eat 2 meals a day but I was loving the way I was looking so of course I wanted to try shave more and more pounds. My boyfriend at the time would tell me things like "wow you've never looked better" or "I like you better that way you look so much healthier"or my favorite "keep up the great work, you just need to lose a few more". But thats okay I know my worth much more now. As the next few years went on things would only continue to get worse not only with my weight but also with my mental well being. 

    By the end of my freshman year I was already down to 120 pounds which while yes, was still above average weight for my weight my parents would start to become worried about me and so would my close friends. At this point I was leaving school early most days due to not feeling well from not eating enough, which would of course make my blood sugar drop almost making me pass out several times. My Mom and Dad at first would brush this off, but at the end they saw where I really needed help. But it seemed as though know matter how much help I got things would only continue to get worse...

    By the end of my junior year of High School I was already down to 102 pounds. People often ask me why I think my ED started in the first place, its weird to say but I really can't blame anyone but myself. You see, females get all these images in their head of beautiful "instagram models" and the thoughts of needing to have the perfect "bikini body". Over the past few years I have learned that there is no such thing as a "perfect bikini body". Every single woman in there own way, and I have certainly learned to embrace this. 

    During the first few months of my freshman of college, things were starting to get better slowly but surely I started eating more, working out less, and had a great friend group. But of course this means, I would start gaining my weight back. This would inhibit even worse eating habits for me alongside the pressure of school.